Journal Entry - 2/17/2007

I am returning home after working in the Denver office of Toll Bros., assisting with their plot plans & some surveying. I was scheduled to fly back Friday evening but the flight was canceled, delaying my return home until this afternoon. It was this morning that my wife relayed to me the news about my father: the news of his serious stroke and minor heart attack. I had forgotten that nearly twenty years ago he had heart failure due to a faulty valve that was subsequently repaired. That clarifies his occasional expression of "living on borrowed time."

Now with him in the hospital in such a serious condition, I suddenly felt fortunate that I spoke with him on a couple of occasions recently. One of these occasions was to get some details of his life for a school report my daughter was doing. At the time I was a little irritated that she didn't feel like talking to him. Now, however, I'm thankful that I had the time to learn more about his past and his short military career as an aerial photographer. It was one of those blessings you don't see fully at the time, though I wish my daughter could have shared in the blessing too.

The time on the plane home gave me an opportunity to reflect on the positive relationship I have with my father, and the contributions he has made to my growth and success. Following is a letter I wrote on the plane, and hope to deliver to him.

Dear Father,
I want to take this opportunity to tell you that I love you. I also want to tell you why I love you.

In addition to being a father who provided for my needs as a child, you also gave me support and direction when I needed it most. I have looked at you as a friend as much as I have a father. Let me recount some examples.

As my father, you were my friend and protector, keeping me safe from dangers I was unaware of - even saving my life.
As my father, you were always a friend and accepted me while others rejected me. Acceptance that rooted me in self-confidence.
As my father, you were a friend by extending trust and respect to me as a young man. A trust I worked diligently to honor.
As my father, you were a friend and mentor, giving me wise direction when my future seemed uncertain. Direction that I was able to build a family and a future on.
As my father, you were a friend, giving support and understanding when my life was upside down, giving me the courage to try again.
As my father, you gave me a name. A name to honor and pass on.

When I see my father, I don't see his faults, his failures, or his limitations. I see the enthusiasm he puts into everything he does. An enthusiasm I am proud to say continues in me.

One final thing. As a father you gave me an appreciation for your day and age - for your generation, its music, its perspective, and its history. And especially, in the fast pace of my generation, an appreciation for the slower, consistent, and dependable pace of trains. I will never see, hear, or ride one without thinking fondly of you.

My father died a week later. I was unable to get this letter to him in time, but I am confident he knew how I felt. As it turned out my trip home for the funeral was on AmTrak. It wasn't originally planned that way, but the flight I had scheduled to arrive days before the funeral was canceled, and I was unable to get another using my available frequent-flyer miles.
Coincidence? I don't think so.